Blurring the line

Virtual worlds vs the real world..........
     We use them to escape the real life and whatever we may be running from,  but then they become more real then our real life,  feelings develop... feelings get hurt...People go on  these worlds looking for acceptance and respect, and let me tell you its no different in the virtual world then it is in the real world.  Sure your avatar can be the prettiest one or the most popular but you are still you, your feelings and emotions, thoughts are conveyed through this avatar. People are still fake and full of drama others are quiet and shy.  You got your nerds,jocks,music lovers, art lovers, parents, couples, marriage, people looking for love.

         When I began going on them I was trying to escape my loveless relationship,  All was great in the beginning until I met him.  Perfect...cause that's what i needed someone to love me more then physically, someone that I could connect on a deeper level with.  We met he was sweet and kind and fun, after that found out we didn't want the same things in life after that I told myself nope never again....went a long time before it happened again, this time it was a whirlwind of emotions and craziness not in a bad way, to some my life didn't change that fast but for me it did.... felt like i was on a ride i couldn't stop... left a relationship real life after I had already started one online which wasn't fair to either party, I know that now again I didn't feel loved and really wasn't looking for it this time online it just happened, and it got real to... It was a wake up call to me going.. "whoa what are you doing" you are acting like your mother jumping one relationship to the next cause you feel like you are not strong enough on your own, not being over someone but needing the feeling of someone wanting you.... to say the least it did not end well, and out came the claws and childish high school routine of people blaming and say thing things they know nothing about,  hmm sound familiar for a lot of people I am sure when they were in school.

   So really there is no difference in a virtual world you cant hide what you going through eventually someone is going to find out you are not perfect or you got skeletons in your closet... chances they wont accept them, again you think you will be accepted but you have to be realistic people are out to feed their own needs.  its why they are there, they feel stronger, beautiful, handsome, confident, vibrant, popular.  People will be quick to judge you and your decisions negatively because they don't have to see your true face heck they can just block or delete you and never think twice.  In the real world you cant run from your problems they will always catch up and escaping into a virtual world can do more harm to you then you can even realize, till its to late they have blended together.


S

Army of one

Cast your words, throw your stones...there will be no broken bones.

hold my wrists...tie me down.....let the reign of hate fall down..

You will not win this time, taking back whats mine.

Scribbling down all these thoughts...ripping at my mind like hungry dogs 

Stumble around in this thick fog, trying to find what things mean, hoping this is just a horrid dream.

Tripping, slipping.... but I will keep getting up dirty,scratched and bruised.  

I am stronger with every hurt, lovelier with every new scar, smarter with every war.

I am a warrior against my own darkness, fighting without a sword.... using what I can and know to give the final blow. These words are my army protecting whats left.  

S

Castle Of Glass - Linkin Park Lyrics

Take me down to the river bend, 
Take me down to the fighting end, 
Wash the poison from off my skin
Show me how to be whole again

Fly me up on a silver wing
Past the black where the sirens sing
Warm me up in a nova's glow
And drop me down to the dream below

(Chorus)
Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see. 
For you to see

Bring me home in a blinding dream 
Through the secrets that I have seen 
Wash the sorrow from off my skin 
And show me how to be whole again

(Chorus)
Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see. 
For you to see

(Bridge)
Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything else I need to be 

(Chorus)
Cause I'm only a crack in this castle of glass
Hardly anything there for you to see. 
For you to see
For you to see

I Wish

I wish upon a million stars.........to never cause you pain..
to see the tears roll down you cheek, and say my name in vein.

let me hold your hand and be your friend, tell you its going to be ok, smile, talk.  Listen to you .... be that comfort and support you need. 

 Hug you when you need it, laugh , live ...love.

To show that there is a rainbow at the end of every storm, that the sun can shine in the cloudiest day.

I cant because I have pain....and that's not fair to you, being caught up in my pain only causes more.    

I wish I could just get over it ..smile and truly be happy , so I can be happy for you.

Please forgive me for the things I do, The way I am ........


S