Me and a friend were talking, about being parents... single ones and just how hard it is, Not because we are complaining because we love our children.
When I got pregnant with my daughter I did not think that in 5 years I would be a single mother, I was in the joys of having a baby with someone I loved. I spent years taking care of my home, cooking meals and playing homemaker. When me and the father separated, life completely changed.
It was a huge adjustment being the main caretaker.... of this tiny person, who is dependent on me being there to provide love and support, when i was barely holding myself together. I was working full time... and barely getting by.
My depression makes me want to hide away from everything at times including her, which I cant because being a single parent doesn't let you, and I think about how that would affect her later on in life. How many times I have and to hold back tears because i am beyond stressed out and I cant let it out, because to her I am strong. There has been talks about being put on medication to make things easier, for those who choose to take them that is their choice, I chose not to because I want to be present in my own life for my child and not be reliant on a drug to find comfort.
The hardest times is when she is sick, most of the time it is long nights and missed days of work, the constant worry you could be fired over something you cant control or how you are going to pay your bills, or how much medication is going to cost and do you have it and is it really going to help them feel better because that is what you want for them. Then when you catch what they have and you are exhausted and still get up every day to go to work because you know that rent is coming up and you cant afford to have it be late again.
As most parents I want what is best for my child, and to be able to buy her toys and clothes and trips to the zoo, a lot of times I give up being able to buy myself something so that she can have good memories of fun things we did. I make sure she has good healthy meals, while I'm skipping meals so I could buy those healthy foods because the food I do have has to last till the next pay cheque or possibly beyond. I do buy myself stuff even if it just a coffee, so that single mother you see out might have been saving not all single mothers are on government assistance as people would assume.
Is it lonely being a single parent, some days very much so, you would love to be able to have someone hug you and tell you what a wonderful person you are, when you have a bad day at work and your house is a mess and the kid is crying and throwing a tantrum and wont go to bed because of 1000 reasons. You just want to have a conversation that doesn't involve "why?" every 30 seconds, yes we have friends we could turn to but it is not the same as when you have another half.
Not everything is bad being a single parent you get to have moments with your child of complete trust and understanding. My daughter knows when mom is tired and she will run her hand across my cheek and tell me " I think you should go to sleep mommy" or the secrets she shares with me, The pretend pancakes she makes me because I might be hungry. Those are the moments I cherish. So the hard days are worth it.
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