Liquid courage

don't speak, no one is listening to the crying of your mind...
no one want to hug your dark soul...

so pour another helping hand .... the liquor friend that calms the storm within...
swallowing them down ... just to order another round.

dance to the reminisce of the freedom that remains.. closing your tied, tear stained eyes..
taking a sip you feel the friend take control..

You forget what it is like to be left behind........as you sway the problems just fade away ..
you get the liquid courage to be who you are..
they say the truth is spoken when you trust our mind to the liquid god..

How many could be saved if someone took a moment to listen and not play it off as someone who is drunk.

Secret Angel

Ripping apart the inside...
trying to find what it is you want ...

How come I am not good enough...
what is wrong with me ...
I listen to the words you weep
when your tripping over your own feet..

The one who holds your head on my chest
when you need to listen to heartbeat so you can know what it feels like..
to feel someone loves you..

The one who has been there even after everything..
the one that continues to be there.. even through the pain..

I wish there was a switch I could just turn off and shut the door to the feeling of you..
your perfect for me, I feel it in my soul...
I must keep that to me...
never holding on for more

Maybe I'm just the secret angel you needed in times of need...
maybe that's all I will ever be.
The one that makes you smile, while she makes you bleed
the one to hold your hand and help you breathe..

Why cant you see, there is more to me...
my heart is but small but bigger then the sun
I could be the one...

to make you feel life, the happiness that you seek
has been here, here the whole time.

You dont know

I wish you loved me
I have hoped that you could see past the hard things
and given me a chance.

You would have seen in my eyes just how much I have wanted you
to be my constant in my life.

You dont though, and so I have to sit and keep it inside.
Hoping one day you will just see me and what I should have been.

I know that Im worth all the trouble the happiness and the tears.
I have been waiting here for years.

Watching you come and go ...

I wish I was worth it to you
cause deep down I love you.

Wondering

You get so far, only to fall back 

wondering why you said goodbye..

you thought for sure this time, this time it was love.

You picked your cards and played the hand. 

You lost, turning around and walking away.

and now your wondering

was it all worth it, chancing it on someone new 

to have it all fall apart in front of you. 

Now your wondering...

is it me they think about late at night when they are all alone 

or reminisce of things that we once did.

do they think about calling..wondering about how you have been..

Its the chance you take when you walk away, you are left wondering..

Hello

Hello?  Are you there, it's me ...
You know ... Don't pretend you don't....
Try a bit harder to remember....
Really? ..... I see well let me remind you

Well we were always close all our lives, did everything together
Had the same friends, liked the same music.... I even lived with you.
But you changed ... Started to ignore me,  really we just fell apart..
I hated that so much... Watching you from a distance starving yourself because you thought you were to big to be loved, or partying trying to connect with people who you thought we're great influences and could make you feel better,  I saw what happened to you as a innocent child ...I felt your pain.

The lonely nights you spent drinking by yourself in hopes to forget the crazy thoughts running through your mind, when you finally pass out it was such a relief cause you were safe for one more night.

Yep, I saw all that....
Your probably wondering why I wasn't there for you...
I can explain,  I didn't know you anymore, you had become this empty shell of what you once were, the hallow ness in your eyes showed a deep void... Like everything was gone that made your soul spark.

It was hard for me to see you that way but you had to hit rock bottom on your own, so you could truly understand yourself.

Watching you hit rock bottom...... Just about killed me.... I saw the note of good bye you wrote, tears had dropped on the paper causing the words to run.... I also saw the pill bottles....it was such a shame that you felt so low that you just wanted to go to sleep and die...

I saw you at the hospital.... Waiting ... And waiting.... For a loving hand to care for you... It came from someone unexpected ... Your own mother...  Forcing you to eat cause you hadn't eaten in days..  Holding you while you cried in her lap....yeah ...

So hard to see you suffer ... But I had to do it.

I'm sorry but I'm here now, stronger and ready to hold your hand through anything .... For I am you, that part you lost I have been inside you all this time. Waiting for you to realize that I'm here, to help you, like the wizard of oz, I give you a brain to think with, a heart to love with and the courage to face the challenges of your life.

Hello are you still there?

Yes.

Red Head

Red headed, firecracker with a sparkle in her eye
Life is a ride, grab on and hold on tight.
Smiling she closes her eyes, gripping tighter through the curves and all the ups and downs.
Peeking just enough not to miss a moment.

Screaming as she free falls.....
Taking a deep breath, she laughs at the all fear she felt.
the love she has felt.  the sensitivity from people...

Sighing....she looks back seeing where she has been...
looking at her hands she lets go.

Letting go of  being who she is not.. because she believed she could never do it. Holding on to the feelings people and life had made her Leary and confused about how it could be.  So she held on to what she knew
the shy, introvert... worried about how to please people..

She is unique and weird, a bit of a tom boy... who loves video games...
Singing at the top her lungs in her car to her favorite songs.
Dancing till her feet hurt and still going strong till the last song is played.

The one who would give her last dollar to someone on the street...
The poet, the artist... the sister and mother, lover and the best friend.

She loves to breathe the fresh air, and find the old abandoned homes...
crawl among st the forest, dip her toes in a cold lakes water.

Read headed firecracker, be who you are... the world has been waiting for you.

Oh sweet love

Oh sweet love... such a burden you are, you heard me a burden like a itch I cannot scratch
Why must you rear your head and grab my attention when I don't want it.

That's right I know what love is I don't need a bitter reminder
you know the couples kissing... the holding of hands the smiles and laughs.... what a funny joke you must think your playing.

Let me tell you something love you can take your joke and shove it right up cupids ass, why you ask because love is not just the good stuff its all the bad stuff, the arguments, the silence after a fight,   the throwing of things but for some reason people only think love is kissing and projecting to the world over social media that your in love, please you think a million people over the internet care that your in love .... honestly half wish they were you and the other half could give less of a damn.. that's the honest truth.

Am I bitter about love.. nope I am a realest about it .... the breakfasts in bed the roses on special occasions rarely happen unless your one of the lucky one to snag a Disney character like man. the love you see in movies you wish you had,that is but a scripted idea about what love should be a mere insight to how someone wishes they could be..... projected on screen with two people who really are not in love... explain to me how that is taken on  how people should think love is.

I have been in love,  hard to believe i know... I experienced the fast heart beat the sweaty palms, the rush of emotion. felt like I had just run an emotional marathon, for what  to feel self concise about how i looked in bed... was i to fat... do i smell ... am i doing this right?... will this person still love me in the morning..  the insecurity if i was the "one" ....  since that is what you hear "you are the one for me"  what exactly does that mean... the one to what cook your breakfast? do your laundry? save your soul..

listen i cant even save myself let alone you, i mean look at me all insecure in how i look when it shouldn't matter cause you are here with me, oh but it does cause love is mostly on how someone looks and not about what the person has to offer on the inside.....but only in what they can offer you....

A therapist mostly.... from all the broken hearts and anger one has on the inside from love...hoping you can fix whats broken... a person cant fix that for you. we are like babies when it comes to love suckling a the tit for nurturing... hoping someone loves us like our mothers do accept us fully as we are....

Love... love ...love tis a cruel joke you play, but this person right here will no longer fall for it no.... not this one.